Fantastic blog post about how trans people struggle with their gender presentation. If they act too much like their gender they are stereotypes, if they act to much like their sex they are “not really” what they say they are.
It’s an infuriating dilemma that I have run into myself, even though I’ve not yet transitioned.
Attention all SOFFAs of transmen and -women and genderqueer individuals! If you have a story to tell, a picture you took, art to share, poem to read, video to show, PLEASE SUBMIT TO ME!
As has been noted to me recently, this blog is skewed toward the ftm side of things because I am a partner of an ftm (and it is easier to find things on those relationships). I highly encourage anyone to submit—I won’t turn anything relevant away, but especially those partners/friends/family/other allies of transwomen and genderqueer individuals.
I understand the uncomfortable feeling that comes with incorrect pronouns, and although I do not understand the logic behind pronouns that do not match your presentation, I will do my best to call people what they want me to call them.
My point here is that you cannot go into today’s society and…
My ftm boyfriend lives three hours away and has dysphoric feelings almost every day but he cannot start transitioning for at least two years. How can I help him feel better when I cannot actually be there for him? What can I do?
While you cannot be there for him physically, I encourage you to reassure him that his dysphoria is unwarranted, that things will get better, that sort of thing. It’s hard to help someone when they are far away, but perhaps the simple fact that you are there for him will help him.
Ask him what will help with his dysphoria. Sometimes something as simple as that will help so much.
Encourage him to go to a therapist if he can afford one. If not, encourage him to join a support group whether in his town or online. Sometimes the support of other transmen in his position can help.
I know that long distance relationships can be stressful, especially when a partner has stressors like this, but the reward can be worth it. Stand by your partner even when he struggles. Best of luck. <3
What does the asterisk after trans mean? It's new to me!
The asterisk after trans means it is an all-inclusive word. I imagine the roots of it would be from search engines (before the modern Google). If you wanted all results of words including the prefix “trans”, you would search trans*. Then, you would get results for transgender, transsexual, transmasculine, transfeminine, transman, transwoman, et cetera.
That things have slowed down here (if you are a regular viewer). This is due to working 40 hours a week and with school looming over my head in a month, things are going to change. I’ll still be posting and adding things to the queue, but mostly I want to be available for anyone to ask for help/advice. And I still want to be open for submissions! I’ll be re-posting my call soon.
Sorry for any inconvenience this will cause anyone, but I’ll still be here!
This is a blog dedicated to the transfeminine mystique, love, acceptance, sisterhood and pride. Focused on transgender/transexual female identity, profiles, advice, and conversation. Here you will find resources for trans women, beauty tips, links, profiles of inspirational trans women, submissions and much much more.
Sounds like it could be the feminine version of art of transliness. They have some good stuff posted already. I wish them luck and success!
Hey there!! =)
I’ve just created a new blog for the LGBT(Q) community of the Carolinas!! With it being a new blog, I’m trying to find a way to reach out to people. Please, will you help me out? I intend for this blog to become a means by which we will be able to create connections between LGBT(Q) individuals and allies across the borders. I hope you will not mind me asking for this promotion.
Check it out. =)
It just occurred to me that the narrator getting pronouns and gender wrong is especially bad on many levels. Because the narrator in documentaries is the voice of reason, the one who’s giving an objective viewpoint and summarising how things really are.
So for the narrator to be using the wrong…
I think I posted this documentary. If I didn’t, this is still good commentary on multiple ones..
I think expecting there to be a balance between material out there about ftm men and their relationships and material about mtf women and their relationships overlooks just how dangerous it can be for mtf women to openly discuss being trans. Transmisogyny is very real and so it's probably not easy for these women to be out on Tumblr discussing their lives. There are probably other factors relating to relationships as well but that's probably for someone else to discuss.
Though, I guess it isn't wrong to expect a balance. There SHOULD be a balance. But it isn't always just a case of trans blogs not trying. It absolutely can be, and I'm sure plenty of blogs out there are biased in favor of ftm people. But I've seen good stuff from you guys before and I give you a little credit.
Tumblr is very anonymous when you want it to be, and I follow many trans* women and their journey. I think it has more to do with the way society treats these women. They are portrayed as a freakshow, as something to watch. And I think because of that, they tend to keep their relationships quiet to make up for it. I think that can put their soffas in a hard spot—not because I think everyone should be open about relationships, but because when there are rough times with transitioning, they have no where really to turn. Before I found my groups, about the first few months of Zak’s transition, I was a little lost.
As I said, I search for hours almost every day trying to find good stuff and a balance—and I work forty hours a week and have friends. And I’m only one person. While that is just excuses, that is all I have.
I've heard a few times that it's not right to refer to trans individuals as "FTMs" or "MTFs" like that in and of itself is... a thing to be? Like it's different from just man or woman maybe. FTM and MTF are meant to be adjectives, like a MTF woman or FTM man. I see you using FTM and MTF as nouns and wanted to know if you've heard this pointed out before and just decided differently?
I posted a link to another tumblr discussing the fact that we should refer to trans* people by what they are: man, woman, other. In my relationship with Zak, I refer to him as a man. However, not only are there people out there that are just trans* (whether -masculine or -feminine) and don’t want to be referred to as a man or a woman, this site is dedicated to helping those significant others, friends, family, and allies of trans* people. Some advice wouldn’t be clear if it were not directed to soffas of trans* people. In essence, I use it for clarity on this part of the internet, but not really much elsewhere.
The ratio of this blog's posts in relevance to ftms and mtfs is terribly off balance, just like all the other trans* blogs basically. :(
As I have mentioned many times, I myself am dating an ftm. I don’t have any experience dating an mtf. However, I have posted calls for submissions MANY times. You are more than welcome to submit any relevant information about being a soffa to an ftm, mtf, or genderqueer individual. I look for hours sometimes trying to find relevant material for this blog—sometimes it’s just not there.
From my understanding, a central endeavor of feminist, queer, and trans activists has been to dismantle the cultural ideologies, social and legal norms that say that certain body parts determine gender identity and gendered social characteristics and roles. We’ve fought against the idea that…
524) I wish my FTM fiancee knew that every time I see him naked, I only see him as a man. He's so self conscious because I'm straight, but with him it's completely different. I love him for who he is, and I am so proud of him.
I just found your blog and I think it’s fantastic. So I figured it would be a good place to ask something that has been weighing heavy on my mind. To start off, I am a trans* dude who likes the ladies…but not all the ladies like me. I find it so hard to find girls who identify as straight but…
“The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another’s desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.”— ~Erma Bombeck
“The roaring of the wind is my wife and the stars through the window pane are my children. The mighty abstract idea I have of beauty in all things stifles the more divided and minute domestic happiness.”— ——-John Keats
“A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil; but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often - just to save it from drying out completely.”—Pam Brown
Most people have heard of sex changes- usually in jokes at the expense of those who seek them. There are a lot of misconceptions and misunderstandings about transgender people, or people whose identity does not match their birth sex, as well as the options they have. For people who…
The following are link and book recommendations, all evaluated by myself as helpful resources for learning and/or places of connection that relate to genderqueer concepts and identities. If there is a resource you would like to suggest, please use the GQID ask box or submit form (select Submit a Link from the drop-down). If you are instead looking for the bibliography for the Genderqueer History and Identities project, click here.
My girlfriend is the most amazing person in the world. For many many reasons. But here’s one of them: Today she asked me if she could ask some questions. About my thoughts and being a transgender person and what not. How rad is that? I really love when people ask me questions because they are…
Today was weird I hung out with my friends and usually my guy friend never calls me a boy or he. Like he usually jokes that I am like his kid sister and today I was hanging with him and his girlfriend at the japanese store and he was like you are like my baby brother. Also when his girlfriend…